Glenys' Rome & Beyond

Follow her adventures wherever she goes…

Making Friends in Italy

baby firends

Meeting new people

Making friends was easy when we were children and then things got complicated along the way. We wanted certain types of friends who had similar likes and dislikes. That list grew until we realized that we had very few friends left. People with a lot of friends know that it is not necessary to agree on everything. Italy is the perfect place to test this out.

Do you want an Italian experience? If you answered, “Yes”, then you must learn Italian. Otherwise, you risk turning Rome into Little Italy, USA. I continually see Americans, British, Australians etc., who only socialize with their fellow countrymen with few exceptions; there will always be some token Americans, Irish or Australians with the English and vice-versa. It is nice to have friends from your native country. You need people who will understand you on levels that go beyond language. You need people who will listen to you when you vent about Italy. Italians will naturally get defensive, but other expats in Italy will know exactly how you feel. However, if you do not learn Italian nor make Italian friends, you will be cutting off your possibilities at the bud.

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Broadening your mind…

Making Italian friends while you live in Italy can change your life as any new experience can. If all you ever knew was your country and you move to Italy but continue to exclusively fraternize with compatriots, what have you changed besides your surroundings? If you make Italian friends, you will learn about a new world, which transcends mere culture. It is opening the door to the unknown, the infinite, that which is completely diverse from all that you know.

If you learn Italian prior to your arrival, you will open yourself up to the natives, rather than your fellow visitors. Italians are extremely friendly and enjoy meeting people from other countries. My first month in Rome made me dizzy as I was spun all around Rome every evening by the few Italians I met during my first week. After finding an apartment, my outings tripled as did my friends.

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Friend is a vague term used loosely in Italy. While a friend in NYC was a person I could count on, depend on, talk to when I was feeling blue, this was not always so in Italy. Buddy, is a much more appropriate word. The Italians I met became instant buddies. These were people who took me out dancing, to get an aperitivo, who had passes to private events and who were always available. It takes time to make real friends, which is true for any location around the globe. However, I was not accustomed to having so many buddies. New Yorkers were usually too preoccupied with their careers and therefore, were not continually available in large groups, as I found in Rome. After some time, I became aware of which buddies had grown to be real and true friends.

There are Italians who speak English who you can befriend, but once you go out with their friends, you may get lost in translation. Learning Italian will give you freedom. I learned it on my own, without a teacher and for free. Learn how I did it: Learn the Language!

What I have gained through Italian friendships:

  • Support: There came a time when my non-Italian friends had all moved back home. Difficult situations showed me who my real friends were.
  • Excitement: Italians are dramatic and when you are having fun, their drama turns into adrenaline. A hum-drum evening becomes a joyous event.
  • Understanding: You will not know Italy by watching a Fellini film, nor will you know Italians by seeing them on the street. To know Italy, its culture and its people, you must know Italians.
  • Opportunities: Italy is a country run by ‘raccomandazioni’. It is who you know that counts more than what you know. However, it is obvious if you befriend people for their contacts, as it is also noticable if you are a false friend. Be honest about networking. Carry business cards and use them.  Meet all kinds of interesting people and do not hesitate to help each other out. Become an asset to them as well.
  • Cross-Culturalization: Visiting the home town of your Italian friends will fill you with an inside view into their culture. Whenever I go to my boyfriend’s home town, I experience his mother’s cooking, their way of speaking, how he grew up, their manners and customs. I have noticed that Italians will always offer a taste of their food to everyone at the table. In Italy, this seems to be appreciated, whilst in America, it would not be considered elegant to offer everyone your food. In America, we greet people with a wave and if we miss someone, it is not anything to worry about. Greetings are taken seriously  in Italy and a missed one is considered rude. There are many other interesting differences and nuggets of precious Italian insight that you will only discover through making Italian friends.

ponza

How to begin:

  • Exchange Contact Information: Carry your cell phone at all times. When you meet someone who you find interesting, ask for their cell number and e-mail. They will take it as a compliment. Throw in a ‘Dai, organiziamo qualcosa la prossima settimana.’ (Let’s all get together sometime next week.)and you will have made a new friend.
  • Facebook: Add them to your friends on Facebook. Having a Facebook account will help you now more than ever. I have recently met a couple who met on there. They have now been together for a year.
  • Throw a dinner party: Once you meet several people, throw a pot-luck dinner party or aperitivo. Having people over can really spruce up a new friendship. Thanksgiving, Independence Day or any of your national holidays are perfect excuses to have an event. Italians enjoy learning about other cultures, especially when a giant roasted turkey is involved. I once invited 40 people to Thanksgiving diner. I could not decide amongst them, so I invited everyone at the last minute. 23 people came with dish in hand.
  • Organize an outing: Italians need no excuse to go out with friends. Find a new place for an aperitivo in Rome. Visit a museum, go see a film. As you get to know your friends better, start organizing day trips to nearby towns or a weekend in Tuscany. Read about possible daytrip destinations and start packing your bags.
  • Smile: I am sometimes very shy. I had a friend who noticed this. She advised, “You know, if you see someone you like, smile at them, and they will come.” I garnered all the courage I could muster and beamed the warmest smile I had. “Ciao”, came the voice of the guy who flew over to me like Superman. This occurred on my first vacation in Rome. It has always worked ever since.
  • Enjoy yourself: If you are having fun, people will want to be in your company. If you cannot make yourself happy, no one will offer to do it for you. I know that it is not always possible. I have spent some of those evenings in a corner at a party. I occupied myself by deleting old messages on my cell. I was not in the mood to have fun, but I did not ruin it for my friends by moping around. Those occasions were very few, however. I have made up for them numerous times over, chucking those rare occasions to PMS.
  • Go out and speak to people. If you are shy, get a part-time job at a bar, club, bookstore or shop where you are forced to talk to people.

It is not easy to make friends in New York City. The same is true for many major English-speaking cities. It is the complete opposite in Italy. Italians adore making friends, meeting new people, learning about different cultures, backgrounds and lifestyles. You could not have it any easier. Positive energy is contagious. Smile, meet people and exchange contact information. You will find yourself with a multitude of amici and your biggest problem will be remembering which Francesco is which.

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12 Comments»

  daniel huffman wrote @

okay, i will go make some friends!
you make it sound so easy.

  Glenys Vargas wrote @

Hi Daniel,

Thanks for dropping by. When you do make some new friends, let me know. It would be great to hear!

  adnan ahmad wrote @

Hi . . . . Its adnan from pakistan nowadays in search of admission in torino university in italy for undergraduate program in electronics engineering . . . I am cool and young boy of 18 years and want to make a friend in italy who can help me in getting my admission easily i am waiting for you italian . . . . Contact me on idnam75@yahoo.com

  Glenys Vargas wrote @

Hi Adnan, I suggest you look up expat groups for the Torino area. You may find expat groups on Yahoo or Google specifically dealing with the Torino area where you can learn more about your subject of interest. Good luck!

  Lutera wrote @

quite handy tips and very practical as well but I feel that they had a type of feminine point of view… do u think same goes for guys? As like a guy sitting all by himself smiling at everybody will easily become a laughing spot for groups/gangs of girls… dont u think so?

and wot if the guy doesnt know any italian?

  Glenys Vargas wrote @

I definitely write based on my experiences and since I am a girl, this will have a feminie point of view. However, what I have noticed about non-Italian men in Italy is that Italian women adore them. I knew one guy who was here for a weekend and got so much attention from the ladies with his one line, “I don’t speak Italian, but you are bellissimo.”
Rome has small circles where everyone knows eachother as well as eachother’s past. Italian women seem to love the fact that you will not know their circle of friends nor be able to kiss and tell.
Just go our there and talk to people. You will definitely have more luck with the ladies even if it is just friendship that you are after. Start with them and eventually you’ll meet people through them.
If you plan on living here, then you must learn Italian. Hope this helps! Thanks for commenting!

  francis akwada wrote @

i want to make female friends from italy fro 25 to 50 and also exchnge of culture speciaally.

  Glenys Vargas wrote @

I find that making Italian female friends in Italy is more difficult for women than making male friends. Even Italian women have confirmed this to me. I don’t understand what it is in their culture that makes them less friendly toward other women, but once you find an opportunity, grab on. Eventually, you will meet a few Italian women who will let you into their circle of friends. In the meantime, learn the language, be patient and stay friendly. There are many expat group events where you can mingle with a variety of people. The Italians who attend these events are usually quite open to meeting new people. Good luck!

  suozain david wrote @

i need a friend from italy

  Glenys Vargas wrote @

Talk to people and you will certainly make many friends here.

  Mike wrote @

You obviously are female.

A foreign male staying in Italy will NOT meet Italians, male or female.
The latter do not have time to waste on him (no long-term perspective), the first lock him out because of competition.
To foreign females, Italy is paradise. To their male counterparts, it’s 24/7 solitude.

  Glenys Vargas wrote @

I agree that it is not as easy simply because girls can do nothing and meet people, but they’ll only meet guys interested in picking them up that way. There is a bit of envy in both cases…oh Italians, they really have too many complexes. However, I know American men who have made lots of friends easily…mostly Italian females. What they have in common is that they are very outgoing people. Male or female, you have to be outgoing or force yourself to do it. I’m shy but force myself out of it. Shy people never do anything unless they force themselves out of their shyness.

You’re right on the long-term perspective, though. You’ll mostly meet non-Roman Italians, who tend to move away more than Romans ever will. No excuses, go talk to people. Go to events, aperitivi, art shows…go meet people. Italy is still, by far, the easiest place on earth to do this.


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